Meet the Spartans

Meet the Spartans is a comedic parody film directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. It stars Ken Davitian, Sean Maguire, and Kevin Sorbo.

When Xerxes (Ken Davitian), the evil god king of Persia, sends his massive army to Sparta, King Leonidas (Sean Maguire) and 13 strapping warriors rise up to defend their homeland. Leonidas, Captain (Kevin Sorbo) and the rest face down dancing Persians, bad punch-lines and celebrity look-alikes.

Victims

• 21 Unnamed People - Died of unknown causes off-screen, skulls seen.
• Baby Shrek - Thrown into a pile of skulls by a Spartan elder.
• Mumble - Impaled through the skull by Leonidas with a spear.
• Xerxes's Messenger - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Two Unnamed Persian Warriors - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Britney Spears - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Kevin "K-Fed" Federline - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Sanjaya Malakar - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Paula Abdul - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Simon Cowell - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Randy Jackson - Kicked into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Ryan Seacrest - Committed suicide by jumping into the Pit of Death.
• Unnamed Persian Emissary - Fell off a cliff.
• Ten Unnamed Persian Dancers - Fell off a cliff.
• Unnamed Persian Warrior - Shot by Xerxes.
• Traero - Sucked into a hoover by Margo.
• Two Unnamed Persian Warriors - Impaled by Leonidas with a spear.
• Unnamed Persian Warrior - Beaten to death by Captain with a shield.
• Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider - Blasted in the face by Sonio with a fire extinguisher.
• Unnamed Persian Warrior - Impaled by a Spartan with a sword.
• Sonio - Head punched off by Rocky.
• Three Unnamed Persian Warriors - Killed in the battle off-screen, bodies seen.
• Rocky Balboa - Died of AIDs.
• Captain - Impaled by Xerxes with a sword.
• Five Unnamed Persian Warriors - Killed in the battle off-screen, bodies seen.
• Unnamed Female Persian Warrior - Beaten to death by Leonidas with a crowbar.
• Seven Unnamed Persian Warriors - Shot by Leonidas with a machine gun.
• 14 Unnamed Persian Warriors - Killed in the battle off-screen, bodies seen.
• King Xerxes/Xersestron - Accidentally unplugged himself.
• King Leonidas - Accidentally crushed by Xersestron.
• Jeremy - Accidentally crushed by Xersestron.
• Eight Unnamed Spartans - Accidentally crushed by Xersestron.
• Four Unnamed Persian Warriors - Accidentally crushed by Xersestron.
• Six Unnamed Persian Warriors - Killed in the battle off-screen, bodies seen.
• Lindsay Lohan - Accidentally trampled by Spartans.
• President George W. Bush - Fell into the Pit of Death after being slapped by Leonidas.
• Ellen DeGeneres - Pushed into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.
• Tom Cruise - Beaten to death by Leonidas with a baseball bat.
• Dane Cook - Pushed into the Pit of Death by Leonidas.

Deaths

• Total - 110
  • 107 Humans
    • 81 Men
    • 21 Victims of Unknown Gender
    • 5 Women
  • 1 Demon
    • All Male
  • 1 Ogre
    • All Male
  • 1 Animal
    • All Male

Kill Counts

1. King Leonidas - 26 (Deceased)
2. King Xerxes/Xersetron - 16 (Deceased)
3. Queen Margo - 1
4. Captain - 1 (Deceased)
5. Sonio - 1 (Deceased)
6. Rocky Balboa - 1 (Deceased)